I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
