I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
