We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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