Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so much tequila, so little girl.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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