Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
