i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
