i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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