we're chasing vodka with high fives
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
