6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
