Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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