Too much gin, very little bucket
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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