My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
