If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
