Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
