i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
