: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
