I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize