how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
