just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
