He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
