I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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