Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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