I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
