Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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