ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
