I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
