if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
