I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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