if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
