should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
