this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
