so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
