In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
