I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
