she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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