SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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