The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
