i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
