Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
