Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize