The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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