Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
