all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
