My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize