my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
