he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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