Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
