420 ftw
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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