Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I did not marry a roomba.
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