Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Please, let me fuck your mom
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
