week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize