I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
