Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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