I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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