so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
