So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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