Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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