thus making me awesome and them whores
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
