I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
