I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
