he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize