I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
