Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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