I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
