he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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