My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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