You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
