I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
