Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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