he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
how drunk are you?
Several
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
