I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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