The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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