17 year olds will be the death of me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
