I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I did not marry a roomba.
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