i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
