my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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